Every Girl Needs a Twilight Vampire Boyfriend

     I loved this book, sixteen academic literary essays commenting on everything from Stephenie Meyer's characterization to gender and stereotypes. For example, Bella reflects the 'everygirl' who lives out the fantasy of experiencing romance with a nonthreatening male figure who may or may not be a homosexual. One ex-Mormon mother bashes Bella for not being more Feminist. Vampire's love of consumerism has triggered a new line of fashion and car purchases. Now you know why Volvo will be forever linked in your mind to Edward Cullen. It's like Cliff's Notes for the entire Twilight series (the books not the movies). 
     So, I'd like to take a shot at my own Twilight perspective essay. I wasn't a young teenager when I read the first book, I was in my early thirties and taking pre-nursing courses at the University. Word of mouth led me to them. I can't remember which year I was introduced to them but I do remember reading Twilight while riding our public transit system to school and getting hooked. When Eclipse was released, I was buying a copy anticipating what would happen next along with all the other fans.
     Stephenie Meyer has been quoted as saying she gave Edward Cullen that old fashioned abstinence-before-marriage character trait to show how he clashed with our 21st century thinking. In today's relationships, both gay and straight, the accepted rule of thought is basically "anything goes". This aspect of Edward's character wasn't revealed until Eclipse when he gently rebuffs Bella's first attempt to initiate sex. How radical is that? For the first time in teen literature (which many of my English professors at the U of U have been quick to point out Stephanie Meyer's books are not) the heroine exploring her own sexuality is NOT GETTING ANY! For the first time in a bestselling series, the man is setting the rules for the relationship, not the woman, and to top it all off, he's determined to put a ring on it!
     Can you hear the entire female population (well most of them anyway) swooning in ecstasy? Bella gets to experience all the aspects of dating, courtship and marriage that are just not found in today's  hook-up culture. Edward is like John Cusack's character from Say Anything. He doesn't want to do anything else with his life but spend time with the police chief's daughter and he's darn good at it too. He's Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, hopelessly infatuated with Bella who does not realize how lucky she is to have someone interested in more than just intercourse. He showers her with romance. They go out on dates. They spend time together. He buys her things on her birthday and helps her with her homework. Because he can't penetrate her mind like all the other mortals he walks among, Edward pesters her with questions, like Christian Slater's character from Bed of Roses. Any normal girl would take out a restraining order on Edward for being so obsessed with her, but as we share Bella's courtship we ourselves long for such a boyfriend and if we're already married, we wish we could go back in time and experience it all over again.
     Superhero aspect of Edward's character aside, stuck in the "dating desert" is why I find myself returning to these books again and again where I can experience the yearnings of my heart vicariously through a fictional character. My perfect boyfriend doesn't have to be immortally wealthy, freakishly strong or have the ability to read minds. I've lost count of the many blind dates I've returned from lamenting the young man never asked me lots of deep, probing questions about myself and took no interest in me other than my food order. Not even a good night kiss, as if I'd be begging for one after such a date.
      What every girl, young and old maid, needs is a decent young man who is kind, crazy about them and wants nothing more in life than to embark on a journey of exaltation to higher levels of immortality. Being a good kisser doesn't hurt either and if that's one area he's found lacking, we females are prepared to educate him. Character and IQ first, sex later. We all deserve boyfriends (husbands) like Edward Cullen and we shouldn't settle for anything less.
     Have a great day and if it's been awhile since you've read the adventures of Bella and her impossibly perfect vampire boyfriend, then get cracking, or, go check out Bringing Light To Twilight by Giselle Liza Anatol and broaden your mind with academic critiques on a pop culture phenomenon.
    
     

Happy to have "All the Blessings"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCQ-v9-J5Yc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCQ-v9-J5Yc&feature=player_detailpage#t=159s

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865577592/Mormon-women-seek-blessings-not-authority-LDS-women-leaders-say.html?pg=all






     


Women and the Mormon priesthood. As a singleton this is an interesting debate to observe because I keep waiting for someone to bring up the glaring fact that there are so many Mormon women who don't currently enjoy the blessings of the priesthood in their lives for various reasons (*hem* not enough worthy men *hem*). Haven't they ever heard the joke about the woman who throws her arms around her eternal companion and proclaims, "Look, I'm holding the priesthood!"

    Back in February of this year (2013) a special segment ran on our local broadcast station directed to LDS Mid-Singles like you and me. Relationship coach Matt Townsend talked about the growing population of young single adults who just aren't dating, courting, and marrying like they used to. His remarks hit very close to home, like the many singles who've aged out of their Sunday church groups and feel like social outcasts, objects of pity, thrust among the married members who don't know what to do with them. "Oh, (you poor thing)" he says in the YouTube video on MormonTimesTV, "I wish you had all the blessings!"

     Then, earlier this month, prominent female leaders of our faith got together for a panel discussion to address the growing movement of women demanding the same authority to lead and participate in priesthood ordinances as men. Sister Linda K. Burton, President of the Relief Society, the largest organization of Mormon women in the world, said that it's not the feminist authority to rise above their husbands that these women desire, "...most women, I think, are happy to have all the blessings."

    All the blessings. What does that really mean to have "All the Blessings"? I don't want to get too pessimistic but with my biological father ex-communicated from the faith, my disengaged stepfather that I'm just not close to and my brothers all busy with their own lives, I am unable to name any Mormon priesthood holders in my life that I would feel comfortable asking so I could enjoy "all the blessings" like my happily married sisters. I'm a single, never married woman who lives alone. I've always told myself I don't mind, it doesn't matter. I've learned to be independent. I've never asked for a priesthood blessing in my life.Who needs men? Who needs temple marriage? Who needs the power of the priesthood anyway? I don't have any posterity. This is the age of women. I don't need help from anybody. I'm a threat to married women who are hesitant to share their priesthood holding husbands with single women like me and I understand that, so, whoever my home teacher is, it's OK, I'm not blaming anyone.

      Just let me indulge in some self-pity for a paragraph or two. Because there was a time during the month of March and this last week when I was literally doubled over in pain, wondering if I would live long enough for the Midol to take effect, I started reconsidering that priesthood blessing I've never asked for. Yes, like the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible, if the call had come that a worthy priesthood holder was passing by outside in the street, I would've crawled out there on my hands and knees to touch his garments. I have faith that one priesthood blessing can trump a box of Midol any day. All female readers out there know exactly what I'm talking about. I'll be increasing the number of pain relievers I take next month, but still, a nine month break at age 38 would be nice. A priesthood holding husband or boyfriend would be nice also. I'm certainly old enough to have one, aren't I? The Mormon church is wonderful and I love being a member, as do all the widows and divorced mothers, but a shout-out from President Monson to single sisters, who yearn to have all the blessings of the priesthood in their lives and can't seem to find it, during the last general conference would've been nice too.

    Yes, women don't want the power of the priesthood but I'd be happy to have all the blessings too. So, go tell a worthy priesthood holder in your life how grateful you are to have him and how much he's appreciated. I'll just keep waiting for mine to show up, if I don't die from dysmenorrhea first!

Knot Yet

Go tie the knot in Las Vegas? Not us! We came to have fun. Besides, none of us are currently dating anyone. Kind of hard to get married when you're a twenty-something still waiting to be asked out on your first date. I was the only thirty-something in our group of four, but, as the above photo proves, I can still pass myself off with the younger set. We had a blast. I hope other singletons out there have a support network to fall back on so that when the inevitable loneliness rears its ugly head you can fight it by creating fun memories and keeping busy with such constructive, educational activities such as taking a trip to Las Vegas. Don't laugh! A night on the Las Vegas Strip can be very educational!
Actually, my main topic for this post has to do with this fascinating article/report I just read about the twenty-something age set putting childbearing before marriage and the price America is about to pay for these choices. The article is entitled "Knot Yet: The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage in America" Here's the link:
*spoiler alert!* this pdf is exactly 40 pages long but it's worth taking the time to read!
http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/KnotYet-FinalForWeb.pdf
For those who don't have the time, here's my own unique, opinionated review of the report.

   One new term I picked up was "The Great Crossover," an important turning point in America's dating and relationship culture from 1989-1993 when the number of women having their first child began occurring at a younger age compared to older twenty-something women who reported tying the knot. For the first time in history more women were putting the baby carriage before the wedding vows. Hello, Murphy Brown!

   In my blog I've taken it upon myself to coin a new term that I hope will someday catch on, "The Life Script" and to my delight, this report does talk about a "script" and how our young single adult population is currently drifting away from the traditional Middle-class script: marriage-then-parenthood to increasing cohabitation and the risks the children born in these unstable relationships will have on our society.

   On the other hand, the report also praises the Middle-class Single American woman who is choosing to increase her education and delay marriage/parenthood as children born to women with a four-year degree tend to thrive better than their less advantaged peers in single parent homes.

   Which brings me to the gripes I have about this report. What about the single men? What about their responsibility to the women and children in their lives? Once again, we must blame the economy and the disappearance of 1960's era blue-collar jobs that don't require a college degree these poor, single, starving young men need before they can pop the question and marry the women they are currently cohabitating with.

   No data was given as to the number of hours these young men spend in front of the X-box or other electronic media compared to hours in college classes or working two or three minimum wage jobs. The report never questions why these single young men are content to remain in Neverland, refusing to grow up, while the young women are praised for their increasing financial independence and educational strides. Once-upon-a-time, in the 1960's, it was expected that a young man work hard and prepare himself for that capstone of his adult life: getting married and providing for a family of his own. Why is nobody talking about this? Oh, yeah, the feminist movement.

   Oh well, I love reading stuff like this. It validates mine and, I hope, many others out there who are becoming more aware of this growing problem in our society of cohabitation over traditional marriage and questioning the consequences they will have on our country in the future.
   "It's my choice!" The cohabitating single woman argues, "It won't hurt anyone but me!" but, as this report points out, all of us will be paying the price both economically and socially.
   Which brings me to another gripe that is the subject for another study yet will have the same consequences on America. Gay marriage claims not to hurt anyone but it does. These gay marriage activists are totally drowning out the little voices, like mine, (channeling Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man") the single, never married heterosexual women tugging on their sleeve and crying, "Me too! I want to get married and have a spouse and children of my own too!" Except the gay marriage activists have little to say about how the benefits of one man or woman tying the knot with each other will have on the future children those homosexual couples plan to introduce to the world. For them, cohabitation already exists and they see nothing wrong with it. This is harmful to so many women and children who must suffer in silence while their gay husband and father divorces them in order to tie the knot with their "soul mate". Knot yet!
   They can shout me down all they want. Married or single, gay or straight, traditional marriage between one man and one woman is not broken so please stop trying to fix it and, please, let's all encourage each other to tie that knot that's so crucial to our future American population. Chastity rings, anyone?
And, hey, even Jesus is rumored to have tied the knot! One day all of us single women who wish to tie our own knots will have that chance too. Happy Easter!


    

Is the End of a Patriarchal Society a Good Thing?

It was fifty years ago this controversial book hit the shelves and sparked the debate about women's roles. Was her rightful place in the home with her pots and pans and nursing babies? Or did she really belong out in the workforce where she could truly make a difference?
I was born in 1974 when the idea of "girl power" was already being indoctrinated into America's youth. I first learned about it in this Sesame Street song:

 The image of a mutant, robotic-looking woman blasting off into space always sorta creeped me out, but I got the basic idea. Even though I was a girl, I could still do anything boys could do. Yet, I continued play with my dolls and kitchen set and continued to nurture a secret dream of growing up and becoming a mommy.
   The 80's rolled along. Women began divorcing their husbands, leaving their kitchens and entering the workplace. I learned to "Just say No". I watched "The Cosby Show" and yearned for that kind of perfect family. I believed in the Janeen Brady Song "When I grow up, I want to be a mother and have a family: one little-two little-three little-babies of my own."
Look, I found a link to the song! I love the internet
http://mormontracks.com/Mormon%20-%20c.%20I%20Want%20to%20be%20a%20Mother.mp3
   I was sad when my parents followed the trend and got divorced. Not because my mother wanted a career but because Dad wanted the sexual freedom of sleeping with whomever he wanted. Mom just wanted someone to sleep with. I vowed never to be that selfish. If I grew up to become a strong, independant woman with a career, fine, I'd make the best of it, but if that Mommy job and a husband that woud bring home the bacon ever presented itself, I wouldn't mind that either. I hoped a man would love me for more than my looks and my body. Nice to have a choice but was it really better women now wielded the power of refusal?
   Here we are in the 21st century asking, "What does it mean to live in a patriarchal society?"
   Pre-1963 before books and songs about how women could be anything they wanted, it was taken for granted that women went to college to earn her "MRS" degree and assumed the role created for her. Men dominated the workforce and college campus. Men made all the laws. Men ruled over home, wife, children with an iron hand. A man made all the major decisions of where his family lived and what his child would grow up to be. If a boy wanted to take a girl out on a date, he had to first meet dad. If a young man wanted a wife, to the girl's father he'd go with quaking legs to ask for her hand. It was a man's world in those days. That was the way it was done and everyone accepted it. We hoped they did it gently and never abused their power over the women and children in their lives. Since it was the greatest generation that won the second world war, we must conclude that this patriarchal dominance over our culture back in the day was a good thing. I'm starting to yearn for a return to those patriarchal days and I wonder if I'm not the only one.
   I just saw the movie "Austenland" about a single woman with no dominating patriarchal figure to rule her life and tell her what to be, yet she yearns for a Mr. Darcy. I think we all yearn for that strong, silent, brooding male figure to provide that quiet influence. Young men need such examples to follow. Perhaps it's time for a return to a patriarchal society where women are not sexually abused but recognized as equals. Woman demanding equal rights is not new. Jane Eyre declared it to Mr. Rochester, just as Elizabeth Bennett did to Lady Catherine "We are equals," they both said, and the same still rings true today as women fight to free themselves from sexual slavery and subjugation. If there's to be a woman's rights movement, let it be in that direction. Women should declare their outrage over the number of out of wedlock births and the number of women injured and even killed at the hands of men. With all this talk of gun rights maybe it's time for a return to shotgun weddings.   
   Fifty years later. Women wanted more options. We got them and we're paying the price. Women are still grossly underrepresented in Congress. Women aren't topping all the Forbes 500 lists as CEOs. The only thing women seem to be doing more than men is graduating from college but we are not better off for it. We still don't hold all the earning power but I think the greater tragedy is how men gave up their earning power so easily. Perhaps it's time for a call for men to take back what is rightfully theirs. I miss not having a father around to rule over my life. To hold the purse strings. To help me decide what to be and also to provide that protection from a cold, cruel world. To point the gun at the poor guy and insist on us getting married. I miss not having someone to introduce my dates to. How can I marry if I have no dominating patriarch to demand the boy's worthiness of me? Is it good for woman to be alone and make all her own decisions?

   With the fifty year anniversary of "Feminine Mystique" it is interesting how a woman no longer goes to college in order to graduate with her "MRS" degree. Instead she graduates and spends the rest of her life working in what has become female dominated workplaces. I should know, I've worked in education, nursing, the food service industry, even when I filled orders at the Wal-Mart Distribution Center, women outnumbered the men, every time, in every job I've ever had (with the exception of working in a kitchen where I was surrounded by male Mexican immigrants but the subject of illegals working the jobs Americans are too lazy to do themselves is for another post). She is strong, independant, smart, successful, so much so that she can't find a man on her same intellectual level to marry. Her biological clock is ticking. Women are now back to square one asking, "Is this all?"

   If you ask me, Betty Friedan's book really didn't change anything.

  

Someday My Prince...Oh Never Mind!

     So, after watching "Avengers" about 30 times I decided to find out more about that tall, dark, handsome, brooding actor who dominated every scene he was in. So I Googled "Jeremy Renner" and was pleasantly surprised to discover he was born in Modesto, California. Me too! Music was one of his hobbies. Me too! As one of the most eligible bachelors in Hollywood, when he was nominated for an academy award, he took HIS MOM as his date. That's so sweet! I read he was so lonely he'd bought himself a puppy. Yeah, I get lonely too. He'd never had a girlfriend, not in public at least, wasn't gay, and, most important of all, he was still single and only three years apart from me in age. Bingo! Move over Bono. I was convinced I'd found my prince and his name was Jeremy Renner. It was fate. All we had to do now was meet and the sparks would fly and he would realize I was the incredible woman he'd been looking for all his life. He met all my checklist requirements: money to support me as a future stay-at-home Mom, college grad, steady job, loved his Mom, and never married because he just hadn't found the right one yet, just like me. It was all set. We'd spend our days talking books, movies and music, collaborate on his next big script, which I would write for him, speculate getting some guys together and forming a band in which we'd sing top charting duets and maybe, just maybe, he'd want to be a father and have kids with me. Oh, yeah, he'd also have to become a Mormon.
     Then I read one of Jeremy's ex-girfriends, now married, was carrying his child.
     No! No! No! Bad Rennie!
     How can I date someone who doesn't share the same standars and interests as I do?
     Oh, well, that's Hollywood I guess.
     But in a world of common men, the only princes left for hopeless romantics like me are the celebrities. Am I right? To my dismay, "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is ruling the box office this weekend. I refuse to see it. I'll never watch "Avengers" or "Thor" again! Well, maybe I won't destroy the DVDs quite just yet. There's still Chris Hemsworth.
    Ironic I just wrote my first paper for Children's Lit analyzing two different versions of Hansel and Gretel. Fairy tales have been the subject since the semester started. What gruesome, dark stuff: innocent kids get served up in meals, little girls are chased by big, bad wolves lusting after their virginity, and wicked stepmothers have nothing but murder on their minds. I love Children's Literature! Been my favorite subject and reading genre since I was introduced to Beverly Cleary at age seven.
   Too bad, Jeremy Renner. You could've been my Prince Charming. We could've had something if you'd just waited for me. But I can't be with a guy who gets a woman pregnant without marrying her first. Oh well, your loss. All singles out there would do well to heed that advice. Steer clear of men who sleep around and keep your eyes wide open. That frog prince could actually be the big, bad wolf trying to lure you into his dungeon and we deserve better than that. Just gotta keep waiting and hoping Prince Charming still exists, somewhere.

At least I still have these two adorable princes! "My Auntie Rocks," says Charlie's yellow shirt. That's right, I am an Aunt who Rocks! Think I'll go Google "Single LDS Actors in Hollywood," you never know.
To all potential princes out there: Call Me!

A Marginal Christmas

  I had the opportunity to take African American Literature this last semester at the University of Utah, the only ethnics course offered by the English department and since an ethinicity course is required for graduation I took it. I also got an A.
   Two new terms were introduced that I really connected with: "marginal" and "liminal" which my professor, Dr. Wilfred Samuels, used frequently in lecture to describe the social and economic state of blacks in this country. I immediately connected these words to the state of the single woman and a future blog post began to take shape in my head. I went online and found this helpful article from which I will be borrowing many of my best lines. Here's the link so the English major won't get in trouble for plagerism:  http://www.liminality.org/about/whatisliminality/
  
   We live in a ritual society. We also have a need to catagorize and organize everyone into their proper place, pigeonholed with the correct label. This is especially true here in Utah where the Mormon religion helps shape our lives with this familiar lifescript: (see November 11, 2011 "The Single Ones") 16  > date > marriage > career > children. Still generally accepted as rites of passage, even in our post-familial world, http://www.newgeography.com/content/003133-the-rise-post-familialism-humanitys-future, another new term referencing a study done about the decrease of traditional marriage and households headed by traditional husband and wife. Young men and women are expected to grow up, have dating relationships, graduate from college, and, if you live in Utah, get married and have kids; not necessarily in that order. This puts single, never married women with no male breadwinner, or children to identify them, in a bit of a quandry. A wedding is one of the biggest rites of passage in a woman's life. Soon as you hit 16 the pressure is on to start dating and find a partner. Getting married means we are no longer in that single, "liminal" betwixt and between, standing at the threshold of life, temportaty state. Married folks have crossed through that doorway and assimilated, successfully. Those that fail to marry are forced to eke out their own marginal exisitance, pushed to the fringes, excluded to inferior positions in our communities and basically ignored.
   A marginal, inferior, and liminal lifestyle is not always by choice. For Christians, life is liminal, a temporary state that ends with death, the hope that there will be something better waiting for us on the other side, and if that means a husband and family, well, I suppose that's an encouraging thought. Almost makes me wants to go out and join some of those groups I've read about who choose to opt-out, prefering instead to live a marginal life on the edge of society or refuse to cross the threshold into social acceptance. A few examples: the tea party groups, the homeless man who chooses the hobo/hippy lifestyle on the street, the mostly married Mormon feminists who want wear the pants and hold the priesthood at the same time, then there's the LGBT groups who are also demanding the right to marry and be recognized by society. Not to mention the spiritual groups like monks or the pologymists in Texas and Hildale, Utah who not only choose a marginal existance but perfer to shop at Wal-Mart.
   What about those who choose chastity, honesty and virtue? We are the group that is becoming increasingly marginalized. We are also a minoirty group, struggling to climb out of the crack we've been pushed into. We, the single, never married women who want very much to cross the threshold of liminality and find social acceptance with a husband, home and family of our own. An identity of our own. Freedom is nice, living alone is nice, having the remote control all to yourself and a freezer full of ice cream you don't have to share with anyone is nice too, but, it's Christmas. We didn't CHOOSE this lifestyle. Don't we deserve a website too?

   Luckily I have my brothers, friends and my faith to keep me going. If this single lot is getting you down, I recommend rounding up some of your best friends and going to a movie like we did:

 
   Hope all my readers had a Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
  

Waiting for a Catcher's Mitt

     Crude photo, I know, I apologize, but I'm in a hurry to add my two bits, for whatever it's worth. From the single woman's perspective, the defeat of our beloved, adopted Utah boy rattled my unshakeable faith to the point that I actually considered not attending church this Sunday.
     I've recently accepted a teaching position in the Primary (Mormon translation: Sunday School for Kids) and get to see Calvin every week. I love being around these sweet spirits and discovered those kids don't give a darn about my being an awkward Oldmaidmormon with no husband or family of my own. Sure, I voted for the losing team but I'll bounce back.
    With the lowering of the mission age and the controversy in the Middle East I was one of the believers in Mitt Romney being THE ONE to open the doors of mainland China and Asia to LDS proselyting, raise awareness of the benefits of marriage before cohabitation and encourage young men to grow up and be men. Guess it's up to Jon Huntsman now and I don't mean as a 2016 GOP candidate. Romney lost because nobody wants a general authority/RS president in a political office.
     In my reading of the post election buzz, I was both surprised and alarmed that I'm in the minority as a single, white woman who didn't vote for Obama. I voted for him in 2008, but that was mainly to piss off my severly conservative Mom for whom voting a straight party Republican ticket is a family obligation (her brother in Virginia is best buds with Orrin Hatch).
    Apparently, females who think the idea of being a single mom from Mexico is just fine, thank you, and think "Fifty Shades of Grey" is the greatest book ever written, flocked in droves to the Obama wagon. The idea of government bailout for all the problems a risky lifestyle of sexual promiscuity and the hook-up culture creates is enough to win the popular vote. That worries me. Am I really the only thirtysomething single woman who believes women should NOT start viewing the government as the new alpha male breadwinner?
    I like Obama. I think I can support him. Maybe even pray for him. After all, he once did a Bill Cosby and pointed a stern finger at those deadbeat males. As long as he doesn't pull a Lewinsky on us and remains a good family man, I agree with the call to America, "Extend the olive branch and let's all work together."
      Hot topic issues of the past four years like the economy, health care, and Guantanamo Bay never really affected me. I blanch at the idea of casual sex and the hook-up culture, my IHC hamburger job provides me with health insurance, I live within my humble means by driving the same car for twelve years and keep a carefully guarded budget. I don't need the government to bail me out. I blame the state of Utah in failing to create more jobs in the field of education. The only torture I worry about are the silent voices of women and children, their heads trapped under the heels of evil, unholy men who are lovers of their own selves caught up in webs of human trafficking, pornography, money, power and greed. As single women we must encourage each other to not succomb to the hook-up culture. We must be strong. It sucks to live in a dying patriarchal America as a strong man or father figure to provide comfort and support both financially and emotionally become harder to find, but there's a degree of happpiness to be found in resisting the temptation to look for it in dangerous places.
    Let's pray we're not going to need that catcher's mitt.