Sunday, January 27, 2013
So, after watching "Avengers" about 30 times I decided to find out more about that tall, dark, handsome, brooding actor who dominated every scene he was in. So I Googled "Jeremy Renner" and was pleasantly surprised to discover he was born in Modesto, California. Me too! Music was one of his hobbies. Me too! As one of the most eligible bachelors in Hollywood, when he was nominated for an academy award, he took HIS MOM as his date. That's so sweet! I read he was so lonely he'd bought himself a puppy. Yeah, I get lonely too. He'd never had a girlfriend, not in public at least, wasn't gay, and, most important of all, he was still single and only three years apart from me in age. Bingo! Move over Bono. I was convinced I'd found my prince and his name was Jeremy Renner. It was fate. All we had to do now was meet and the sparks would fly and he would realize I was the incredible woman he'd been looking for all his life. He met all my checklist requirements: money to support me as a future stay-at-home Mom, college grad, steady job, loved his Mom, and never married because he just hadn't found the right one yet, just like me. It was all set. We'd spend our days talking books, movies and music, collaborate on his next big script, which I would write for him, speculate getting some guys together and forming a band in which we'd sing top charting duets and maybe, just maybe, he'd want to be a father and have kids with me. Oh, yeah, he'd also have to become a Mormon.
Then I read one of Jeremy's ex-girfriends, now married, was carrying his child.
No! No! No! Bad Rennie!
How can I date someone who doesn't share the same standars and interests as I do?
Oh, well, that's Hollywood I guess.
But in a world of common men, the only princes left for hopeless romantics like me are the celebrities. Am I right? To my dismay, "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is ruling the box office this weekend. I refuse to see it. I'll never watch "Avengers" or "Thor" again! Well, maybe I won't destroy the DVDs quite just yet. There's still Chris Hemsworth.
Ironic I just wrote my first paper for Children's Lit analyzing two different versions of Hansel and Gretel. Fairy tales have been the subject since the semester started. What gruesome, dark stuff: innocent kids get served up in meals, little girls are chased by big, bad wolves lusting after their virginity, and wicked stepmothers have nothing but murder on their minds. I love Children's Literature! Been my favorite subject and reading genre since I was introduced to Beverly Cleary at age seven.
Too bad, Jeremy Renner. You could've been my Prince Charming. We could've had something if you'd just waited for me. But I can't be with a guy who gets a woman pregnant without marrying her first. Oh well, your loss. All singles out there would do well to heed that advice. Steer clear of men who sleep around and keep your eyes wide open. That frog prince could actually be the big, bad wolf trying to lure you into his dungeon and we deserve better than that. Just gotta keep waiting and hoping Prince Charming still exists, somewhere.
At least I still have these two adorable princes! "My Auntie Rocks," says Charlie's yellow shirt. That's right, I am an Aunt who Rocks! Think I'll go Google "Single LDS Actors in Hollywood," you never know.
To all potential princes out there: Call Me!