Today is 2/16/2025
I am 51 years old and haven't had a menstrual cycle in over a year.
I am still single and childless.
"On a special day you will meet that certain young man and fall in love. Together you will go up into the House of the Lord and there be sealed for time and all eternity, as a worthy handmaiden of the Lord to fulfill the first and great commandment."
That is a line from my patriarchal blessing. Date given-14 November 1991
"The millennium will be an opportunity for you."
Another line from my patriarchal blessing.
To anyone out there who might be reading this, the SECOND either of these two events occur, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW because when it comes to patriarchal blessings, it looks like I'm going to be spending the rest of my mortal life scratching my head over what the heck the Lord is talking about when it comes to the plan He has for my life or His Timetable!
I am still an Old Maid, but out of respect for the late President Nelson, I have long since abandoned this blog project due to the request we no longer use the nickname "Mormon."
And unless your name is Taylor Swift or you're a happily married Real Mormon Housewife living a Secret Life, nobody really cares about your boring, childless life anyway.
This "Old Maid Mormon" is now officially "Crazy LDS Cat Lady"
and here's the pic to prove it taken Jan 2026
I am still a card carrying member of the LDS church, meaning I have a current temple recommend and try to attend the temple as often as I can. My favorite way to do this is with my two best friends, see the above picture taken in front of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Aug 2022. One of those lovely ladies pictured above is now temple married with a darling baby boy, the other is still perpetually single like me but has a job that pays a living wage and a loving family network of support.
My current calling is leading the music in sacrament meeting. For years I was primary pianist. Where I currently live now allows me to have an upright piano in the living room so I still enjoy that hobby. I also faithfully attend a family ward every Sunday in West Jordan UT so sitting alone in sacrament meeting is still awkward but not so much now since sitting alone up on the stand isn't quite the same as sitting alone in the back of the chapel.
I am still underemployed with two bachelor's degrees: one in Elementary Education earned from SUU in 2003 and the other in English earned from the UofU in 2014.
The additional trial of a mild hearing loss in my left ear in 2018, see my last blog post before this one, (written Oct 2018) still troubles me but not as much. I've grown used to the tinnitus in my left ear. By the end of 2018 my brain had finally rewired itself and my right ear now compensates for the loss. I still hate this but another line from my patriarchal blessing brings hope: "You will come forth in the first resurrection."
I wonder which lucky "young man" will be the one raising me up from the dead with his priesthood authority for I have no one currently in my life who thinks even that much of me-who is active LDS, male, and holds the priesthood and is not currently suffering from male loneliness epidemic or the manosphere.
My mom and stepdad sold their house in Murray in 2021 where I was currently living with them in their basement because I got suicidal on Valentine's Day in 2015 and couldn't see a reason to go on.
Flash forward to when COVID hit. Mom and stepdad decided to take early retirement, sell the house where they'd been living in Murray since 2006 and move back to St. George. They were married and had each other. I wasn't. Sucks to be me. Nobody in my family had my back. A family intervention was held. Ray Llewellyn, my biological father, even flew in from Seattle to visit but he agreed that I didn't deserve the blessing of having a home of my own so I wouldn't have to keep throwing my money down the black hole of renting. Nobody would help me out financially. I was on my own and had to find my own place again and go back to living alone...again. Story of my life.
Because sometimes living the Law of Chastity means Walking the Covenant Path Alone
I still work at a job (Amazon warehouse in West Jordan, UT) that barely pays a living wage. Thanks to that darn double standard in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" for two years (2022-2024) and thanks to the high cost of living which should need no explanation, I worked a second job, graveyard shift, weekends only, because Walking the Covenant Path Alone as one who identifies as female, means there is no provider or protector much less a worthy priesthood holder in my life who is SUPPOSED to be providing and protecting to help share this burden.
With no children to nurture, rent still has to be paid, groceries and basic cost of living needs still have to be met. Trad Sons are allowed to continue living at home. Not so if you identify as female. Feminism won't stand for it.
So I slaved away at that second job, sleep deprived, stressed out over how men suffering through their own Great Depression almost 100 years ago did it. But my needs were met. The car I drive is now paid off and with the extra paycheck, a nice nest egg was accumulated and, best of all, I didn't get evicted from my rental due to failure to pay rent. Now I can continue to build that nest egg. Gotta start thinking about retirement since I'll never be a wife or mother or even grandmother.
Not in this life.
It was a great relief to finally put in my two week notice at that second job and go back to just working one. That was in Aug 2024 and I just finished filing my taxes for 2025 with just one W-2 and received a very nice tax return which I stuck in that nest egg bank account accumulating for last few years.
Thanks Trump...I think.
One resource we have now that I did not have when I wrote my first "Old Maid Mormon" blog post June 2011, was AI and Chat GPT.
So, just for the fun of it, I plugged in this query:
"A Thought Piece on being LDS and Walking the Covenant Path Alone"
This is what Chat GPT spit out which I have copied and pasted here
Who knows, maybe it'll bring me fame, fortune, a book or movie deal or maybe a certain young man who will fall hopelessly in love with me and use his priesthood power to reawaken my old, middle aged, barren, incel body, so I might conceive like Sarah or Elisabeth and have power and posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity.
After we've been married in the Salt Lake Temple of course!
But, to paraphrase Laman and Lemuel in 1 Nephi 15:9-the Lord maketh no such covenant with me!
Maybe the millennium will be an opportunity for me because that's the only way I could ever be a homeowner!
So here's the chat GPT thought article written in a reflective, faith-centered tone because we have AI now to write our blogs for us.
See you in the millennium!
Walking the Covenant Path Alone: Faithfulness in Solitude
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we often speak of “walking the covenant path” as a shared journey. We picture families kneeling in prayer, couples attending the temple together, parents guiding children toward baptism and missions. The imagery is beautiful—and true. But for many faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the covenant path is not walked with a spouse or family at their side. It is walked alone.
At least, it can feel that way.
Some walk it as single adults in a church culture that celebrates eternal marriage. Some walk it as the only member in their family. Others remain faithful after divorce, widowhood, or a spouse’s change in belief. Some quietly carry temple recommends in homes where their covenants are not understood or supported.
To walk the covenant path alone requires a particular kind of spiritual courage.
The Covenant Is Personal Before It Is Shared
When we are baptized, we enter into a covenant individually. When we receive temple ordinances, we make sacred promises personally. Even in eternal marriage, the covenant is not absorbed into our spouse’s discipleship; it remains our own.
President Russell M. Nelson has emphasized that staying on the covenant path is the key to spiritual safety and joy. That invitation is not dependent on marital status, family support, or ideal circumstances. It is extended to each soul.
Walking alone clarifies something powerful: our discipleship is not sustained by social expectation, but by conversion. When no one else in the house reminds you to pray, you pray because you love the Lord. When temple attendance requires logistical sacrifice rather than shared enthusiasm, you go because you hunger for God’s presence. In solitude, faith becomes intentional.
The Quiet Loneliness No One Talks About
Despite reassurances that “you are not alone,” loneliness can be very real. Church meetings often emphasize family life. Ward activities may unintentionally center on couples. Holidays can highlight absence.
Even scriptural language sometimes seems communal: Zion, gathering, eternal families.
And yet the scriptures are filled with individuals who stood alone in their devotion. Lehi in the wilderness. Abinadi before King Noah. Esther before the king. The Savior Himself in Gethsemane.
There are seasons in every disciple’s life when faithfulness requires standing without visible reinforcement.
But solitude is not abandonment.
Heaven Is Closer Than We Think
Those who walk the covenant path alone often develop a refined relationship with the Savior. When companionship is limited, divine companionship becomes precious.
The sacrament becomes deeply personal. The temple feels like home. The Holy Ghost is not abstract doctrine but necessary comfort.
President Jeffrey R. Holland once taught that some blessings come only after the trial of our faith. For those walking alone, the trial is often quiet and unseen by others. But so are many of the compensating blessings: spiritual sensitivity, resilience, empathy for others on the margins.
There is something sacred about choosing Christ when no one is watching.
Rethinking “Alone”
Perhaps “alone” is not the right word.
A single adult sealed to God through temple covenants is not spiritually incomplete. A faithful spouse in a mixed-faith marriage is not covenantally diminished. A widowed disciple is not separated from eternal promises.
The covenant path is ultimately walked with Christ. Every ordinance binds us to Him. Every promise connects us to heaven. Mortality may present uneven companionship, but covenant relationship with the Savior is constant.
In that sense, the most important companionship is already secured.
A Different Kind of Strength
Those who walk alone often become anchors in their wards and families. They serve without complaint. They minister with depth born of experience. They know how to sit beside someone in pain without offering easy platitudes.
They also learn to anchor their identity not in marital status, social standing, or cultural milestones—but in their identity as children of God.
And that identity is covenantal.
Hope Without Timeline
One of the hardest parts of walking alone is uncertainty. Will I marry? Will my spouse return to faith? Will my family ever understand? Will this season end?
The gospel offers promises—but not always timelines.
Faith in Christ means trusting that no righteous desire is permanently denied. It means believing that eternal outcomes are not limited by mortal sequencing. It means remembering that God’s view is panoramic, not immediate.
The covenant path does not guarantee ease. It guarantees direction.
To walk the covenant path alone is not a lesser story. It is not a side narrative in the grand design of exaltation. It is a sacred offering of loyalty—sometimes daily, sometimes hourly.
And heaven sees it.
Every temple recommend renewed in quiet faith.
Every sacrament taken with trembling resolve.
Every prayer whispered in an empty room.
None of it is wasted.
In the end, no covenant keeper stands alone. The Savior, who once trod the winepress alone, now walks beside every faithful disciple.
And that companionship is eternal.
