Someday My Prince...Oh Never Mind!

     So, after watching "Avengers" about 30 times I decided to find out more about that tall, dark, handsome, brooding actor who dominated every scene he was in. So I Googled "Jeremy Renner" and was pleasantly surprised to discover he was born in Modesto, California. Me too! Music was one of his hobbies. Me too! As one of the most eligible bachelors in Hollywood, when he was nominated for an academy award, he took HIS MOM as his date. That's so sweet! I read he was so lonely he'd bought himself a puppy. Yeah, I get lonely too. He'd never had a girlfriend, not in public at least, wasn't gay, and, most important of all, he was still single and only three years apart from me in age. Bingo! Move over Bono. I was convinced I'd found my prince and his name was Jeremy Renner. It was fate. All we had to do now was meet and the sparks would fly and he would realize I was the incredible woman he'd been looking for all his life. He met all my checklist requirements: money to support me as a future stay-at-home Mom, college grad, steady job, loved his Mom, and never married because he just hadn't found the right one yet, just like me. It was all set. We'd spend our days talking books, movies and music, collaborate on his next big script, which I would write for him, speculate getting some guys together and forming a band in which we'd sing top charting duets and maybe, just maybe, he'd want to be a father and have kids with me. Oh, yeah, he'd also have to become a Mormon.
     Then I read one of Jeremy's ex-girfriends, now married, was carrying his child.
     No! No! No! Bad Rennie!
     How can I date someone who doesn't share the same standars and interests as I do?
     Oh, well, that's Hollywood I guess.
     But in a world of common men, the only princes left for hopeless romantics like me are the celebrities. Am I right? To my dismay, "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is ruling the box office this weekend. I refuse to see it. I'll never watch "Avengers" or "Thor" again! Well, maybe I won't destroy the DVDs quite just yet. There's still Chris Hemsworth.
    Ironic I just wrote my first paper for Children's Lit analyzing two different versions of Hansel and Gretel. Fairy tales have been the subject since the semester started. What gruesome, dark stuff: innocent kids get served up in meals, little girls are chased by big, bad wolves lusting after their virginity, and wicked stepmothers have nothing but murder on their minds. I love Children's Literature! Been my favorite subject and reading genre since I was introduced to Beverly Cleary at age seven.
   Too bad, Jeremy Renner. You could've been my Prince Charming. We could've had something if you'd just waited for me. But I can't be with a guy who gets a woman pregnant without marrying her first. Oh well, your loss. All singles out there would do well to heed that advice. Steer clear of men who sleep around and keep your eyes wide open. That frog prince could actually be the big, bad wolf trying to lure you into his dungeon and we deserve better than that. Just gotta keep waiting and hoping Prince Charming still exists, somewhere.

At least I still have these two adorable princes! "My Auntie Rocks," says Charlie's yellow shirt. That's right, I am an Aunt who Rocks! Think I'll go Google "Single LDS Actors in Hollywood," you never know.
To all potential princes out there: Call Me!

A Marginal Christmas

  I had the opportunity to take African American Literature this last semester at the University of Utah, the only ethnics course offered by the English department and since an ethinicity course is required for graduation I took it. I also got an A.
   Two new terms were introduced that I really connected with: "marginal" and "liminal" which my professor, Dr. Wilfred Samuels, used frequently in lecture to describe the social and economic state of blacks in this country. I immediately connected these words to the state of the single woman and a future blog post began to take shape in my head. I went online and found this helpful article from which I will be borrowing many of my best lines. Here's the link so the English major won't get in trouble for plagerism:  http://www.liminality.org/about/whatisliminality/
  
   We live in a ritual society. We also have a need to catagorize and organize everyone into their proper place, pigeonholed with the correct label. This is especially true here in Utah where the Mormon religion helps shape our lives with this familiar lifescript: (see November 11, 2011 "The Single Ones") 16  > date > marriage > career > children. Still generally accepted as rites of passage, even in our post-familial world, http://www.newgeography.com/content/003133-the-rise-post-familialism-humanitys-future, another new term referencing a study done about the decrease of traditional marriage and households headed by traditional husband and wife. Young men and women are expected to grow up, have dating relationships, graduate from college, and, if you live in Utah, get married and have kids; not necessarily in that order. This puts single, never married women with no male breadwinner, or children to identify them, in a bit of a quandry. A wedding is one of the biggest rites of passage in a woman's life. Soon as you hit 16 the pressure is on to start dating and find a partner. Getting married means we are no longer in that single, "liminal" betwixt and between, standing at the threshold of life, temportaty state. Married folks have crossed through that doorway and assimilated, successfully. Those that fail to marry are forced to eke out their own marginal exisitance, pushed to the fringes, excluded to inferior positions in our communities and basically ignored.
   A marginal, inferior, and liminal lifestyle is not always by choice. For Christians, life is liminal, a temporary state that ends with death, the hope that there will be something better waiting for us on the other side, and if that means a husband and family, well, I suppose that's an encouraging thought. Almost makes me wants to go out and join some of those groups I've read about who choose to opt-out, prefering instead to live a marginal life on the edge of society or refuse to cross the threshold into social acceptance. A few examples: the tea party groups, the homeless man who chooses the hobo/hippy lifestyle on the street, the mostly married Mormon feminists who want wear the pants and hold the priesthood at the same time, then there's the LGBT groups who are also demanding the right to marry and be recognized by society. Not to mention the spiritual groups like monks or the pologymists in Texas and Hildale, Utah who not only choose a marginal existance but perfer to shop at Wal-Mart.
   What about those who choose chastity, honesty and virtue? We are the group that is becoming increasingly marginalized. We are also a minoirty group, struggling to climb out of the crack we've been pushed into. We, the single, never married women who want very much to cross the threshold of liminality and find social acceptance with a husband, home and family of our own. An identity of our own. Freedom is nice, living alone is nice, having the remote control all to yourself and a freezer full of ice cream you don't have to share with anyone is nice too, but, it's Christmas. We didn't CHOOSE this lifestyle. Don't we deserve a website too?

   Luckily I have my brothers, friends and my faith to keep me going. If this single lot is getting you down, I recommend rounding up some of your best friends and going to a movie like we did:

 
   Hope all my readers had a Merry Christmas and I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
  

Waiting for a Catcher's Mitt

     Crude photo, I know, I apologize, but I'm in a hurry to add my two bits, for whatever it's worth. From the single woman's perspective, the defeat of our beloved, adopted Utah boy rattled my unshakeable faith to the point that I actually considered not attending church this Sunday.
     I've recently accepted a teaching position in the Primary (Mormon translation: Sunday School for Kids) and get to see Calvin every week. I love being around these sweet spirits and discovered those kids don't give a darn about my being an awkward Oldmaidmormon with no husband or family of my own. Sure, I voted for the losing team but I'll bounce back.
    With the lowering of the mission age and the controversy in the Middle East I was one of the believers in Mitt Romney being THE ONE to open the doors of mainland China and Asia to LDS proselyting, raise awareness of the benefits of marriage before cohabitation and encourage young men to grow up and be men. Guess it's up to Jon Huntsman now and I don't mean as a 2016 GOP candidate. Romney lost because nobody wants a general authority/RS president in a political office.
     In my reading of the post election buzz, I was both surprised and alarmed that I'm in the minority as a single, white woman who didn't vote for Obama. I voted for him in 2008, but that was mainly to piss off my severly conservative Mom for whom voting a straight party Republican ticket is a family obligation (her brother in Virginia is best buds with Orrin Hatch).
    Apparently, females who think the idea of being a single mom from Mexico is just fine, thank you, and think "Fifty Shades of Grey" is the greatest book ever written, flocked in droves to the Obama wagon. The idea of government bailout for all the problems a risky lifestyle of sexual promiscuity and the hook-up culture creates is enough to win the popular vote. That worries me. Am I really the only thirtysomething single woman who believes women should NOT start viewing the government as the new alpha male breadwinner?
    I like Obama. I think I can support him. Maybe even pray for him. After all, he once did a Bill Cosby and pointed a stern finger at those deadbeat males. As long as he doesn't pull a Lewinsky on us and remains a good family man, I agree with the call to America, "Extend the olive branch and let's all work together."
      Hot topic issues of the past four years like the economy, health care, and Guantanamo Bay never really affected me. I blanch at the idea of casual sex and the hook-up culture, my IHC hamburger job provides me with health insurance, I live within my humble means by driving the same car for twelve years and keep a carefully guarded budget. I don't need the government to bail me out. I blame the state of Utah in failing to create more jobs in the field of education. The only torture I worry about are the silent voices of women and children, their heads trapped under the heels of evil, unholy men who are lovers of their own selves caught up in webs of human trafficking, pornography, money, power and greed. As single women we must encourage each other to not succomb to the hook-up culture. We must be strong. It sucks to live in a dying patriarchal America as a strong man or father figure to provide comfort and support both financially and emotionally become harder to find, but there's a degree of happpiness to be found in resisting the temptation to look for it in dangerous places.
    Let's pray we're not going to need that catcher's mitt. 

Mission vs Marriage

"I was going to serve a mission, but I got married instead."

     These were the words spoken to me ten years ago as I sat chatting with a woman my age one Sunday at church. I'd starting attending a family ward and I was all alone. Having a bachelors degree, wearing my "badge of honor" that came with being an RM, looking forward to starting a career, suddenly it all seemed very mediocre compared to what SHE had managed to "catch".

     So, for those who haven't heard the news, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has just announced a change in the age in which young people can now be recommended to serve missions. It comes as no surprise to this old maid that while 18 year old boys recieved this news with nary a shrug before returning to their iPhones, the young women went nuts beating a pathway to the bishop's office and completing the required paperwork before the weekend was over. I'm all for girl power but I can't get my cynical side to shut up.

     After some pondering and reading through my old Journals when I was 19 and 20 recalling my frustration at the lack of boyfriend and dating opportunites even at that early age in the mid 90's, struggling what I should do with my life, if the time had come for me to move out of my parent's house yet and the pathways I should take, I can't say I blame these brave young girls. If I'd had the opportunity to serve at 19 would I have gone? The answer is a resounding YES. Yet, I feel someone has to ask the question:

Is the dating pool really that bad?

      It will be exciting watching the drama unfold: the inundation of sister missionaries who will rush to the temple to take out their endowments, come home after 18 months to graduate and launch themselves into successful careers. As the years pass, I foresee these noble women making the best out of celibate living despite the pressure the world puts upon them to cohabitate and "settle". I hope the temple experience, while beautiful, won't turn sour for them as it has for me over the years with no one to share it with.

     I wonder how many will come flocking to my blog, looking for support and encouragement to stay chaste while breaking the old stereotype that missions are merely "a fallback for the wallflower". Will single sisters in the church start thinking of themselves at age 19 as the new old maid? I hope not. Will the church lower the dating age from 16 to 14? As Elder Holland said, "One miracle at a time!" Instead, I anticipate we will all have a good laugh as the brethern of the church continue to beg and plead for the young men to get up and not be intimidated by what I forsee as the rising of the "New Mormon Woman". Young men will continue to hear the old lecture to put down the video game controller, serve a mission, get a degree, date, court, marry and GET A LIFE! Yes, some things will never change.

     While the influx of righteous young women in the mission field is a good thing, the down side to all this, my cynical side continues to scream, is the fact that single young men, both Mormon and Non aren't looking for potential mothers to future children, women who are intelligent, strong and chaste. In today's 21st century dating and hanging-out culture, all that matters, all that will continue to matter is

                                                            HOW SEXY ARE YOU?

     Therin lies the rub. If I could trade all my talents (music, cooking, reading and writing) all my wholesomeness for the opportunity to be sexually attractive and have a date every weekend I would say no thanks. I'm tired of being objectified. But the sad truth is, in the eyes of single men in today's culture, there is NOTHING sexy about being a returned sister missionary.

    Kudos to all my companions who somehow managed to find eternal companions and start creating families of their own after they got home. I'm not saying you'll be an automatic loser for the rest of your life as a young woman who chooses to serve a mission. But, as many married women in the church will validate for you, as my opening statements support, it sure seems that way sometimes.

     The purpose of this blog is to reach out to all the others, like me, for whom serving a mission was not an automatic, Get Out of Single Ward/Jail Free Card. Sometimes a mission is just a mission. God is good but too many nights I've laid awake wondering what I might have done different to prevent this tragedy of sleeping alone for the rest of my life from occuring.

     Serving a mission can be both traumatic-filled with rejection on all sides by those who perceive all virtuous unmarried women as a threat-and it can also be profoundly beneficial in the many opportuinites it provides for service and bearing testimony of the restored gospel. It is my sincere hope that all these gung-ho sisters will have better experiences than some of the ones I had in Atlanta, Georgia. I couldn't get over all the cohabitation and divorce. The poverty and self incurring debt that was making life miserable for so many innocent children. I came home feeling like I'd just fought a terrible war and my side had lost! I came home discuraged hoping better days were ahead. Those Southern Baptists will kill you, if the humidity doesn't get you first! But I came home stronger for the experience.

    
     I recently celebrated my 38th birthday. My favorite brother, Mike, is on my right, my favorite nephew Calvin in orange, my favorite little sister Mary holding my second favorite nephew Charlie and Calvin's cousin Frankie is there at the end. I hope this picture serves to shut up my cynical side because life isn't all self-pity, even when you're an old maid.

     The boys in this photo will one day take their place in the mission field, serve honarably and return ready to launch into life as good family men like their dads. Not all young men are hopeless addicts, drifting along in the sea of life. Some do grow up to serve missions, marry in the temple and become positive role models for other young men their age. How blessed I am to be part of such a family!

What Jesus Being Married Means to Singles

Here's the link to this Deseret News article: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765605862/Hamblin-and-Peterson-Does-papyrus-prove-Jesus-was-married.html.
And here's the one that caught everyone's attention last week http://news.yahoo.com/jesus-married-papyrus-fragment-fuels-debate-212627918.html (Why is that not hotlinking? Oh well.)

Was Jesus married? New papyrus fragment fuels debate

news.yahoo.com

 

Anyway,

This is big news. An unproven fragment which scholars say won't change the debate between Agnostics and Christians over the celibacy of Jesus Christ, but, nevertheless, it still gives me hope. For those who are pro-marriage, it means the introduction of a two-edged sword. In a world where everyone is claiming that cohabition and gay marriage are perfectly acceptable while heterosexual marriage is obsolete, the claim that Dan Brown's theory might be true after all means we're in a whole new ballgame and for the pro-marriage and family party this is a big victory. "The implications (are) staggering," (Hamblin and Peterson).

 

This is also big news for Mormons in general. As members of the church that bears His name, aren't we, in fact, the ultimate authority on all things Jesus? Shouldn't we be stepping forward to back up this debate? With this new finding about the (possibility) of Jesus being married it raises the question, "Do we claim to worship a married Christ?"

 

I am a scholar of the scriptures. That well-worn, studied-to-death Bible and Book of Mormon (triple combination) in the photo above I've been using since my high school seminary days. I brought them to Atlanta, Georgia in 1997-99, and I've taken the New Testement class at every college and university LDS Institute I've ever attended.

Now, in every single New Testement class I've ever sat in, without fail, this question has always come up, "Was Jesus married?" and every single teacher/professor in said class has always given the same answer, "Well, the church has never made an official statement but many Bible scholars agree that, yes, he most likely was and that his wife was most likely Mary Magdalene." The teacher would then site several references in the New Testament to back up the claims-such as all the examples where Mary is present during important times in the Savior's ministry.

I agree with all my teachers who support these claims, that Jesus was married.

 

With General Conference coming up in just a couple weeks, wouldn't it be nice if one of the bretheren (Elder Holland?) would step forward and give an official statement to make it final? Two years ago Elder Packer made strong statements regarding homosexuality. I could totally see the same thing happening here. Another challenge to those who would tear down and make light of what should be the most important decision we ever make on earth-backed up by Jesus himself! 

 

And who better to agree with such claims than us single, never married women who yearn for a more feminine friendly world instead of the misogyonistic drenched one we are currenly forced to live in? A married Christ means a more feminine Christ. A married Christ means a movement back to domesticity and procreation within the bonds of holy matrimony.

 

The arguments of those against such statements will crumble like sand, wait and see.

 

 

Temple Marriage is Like Olympic Gold

We’ve been training for this our entire lives. As early as age twelve we begin hearing, “One day you will start dating so prepare now.” The minute we turn sixteen we hear, “Don’t settle for anything less than temple marriage,” and “You marry who you date so choose wisely”. We all want the gold. We all want to be winners. We dedicate ourselves to our goal and promise our coaches we will not waver. Our eyes are wide open. We’ve trained and worked hard, but some of us end up getting benched for no good reason. We’re not even called, let alone chosen, to go out on many dates. Some of us are just not dating while Molly Mormon meets Peter Priesthood. He asks her out and three months later they’re off printing wedding announcements and planning the reception.

They make it look so easy.

What’s it all for, anyway? This training was supposed to lead us to that Olympic gold-the temple. We see married people like the demi-Gods of the Olympics. Endowed with special talents, super-powers, they’re able to summon a soul-mate right into their lap with a single smile. They did the time. They put forth the effort. They worked hard and now they are reaping the success. They won their “Olympic Gold”.

They make it look so easy.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck waiting for the blue light special to visit the meat market we attend each Sunday. Will this be the year I finally win the gold? I know my eternal companion is out there, I just have to keep working and training. Yet, you never even saw that mob of eighteen year old freshmen descending like vultures, crowding out all the competition.

They make it look so easy.

Winning “Olympic Gold” at increasingly younger ages has become the norm. Yet, for older participants who fear they may have “aged out” there is hope. Some managed to beat the odds, even after being told their season for an “Olympic Gold” had long passed them by. You know who these people are. They stuck to their goal and didn’t give up. They were blessed for their patience.

Now, your sixth roommate, best friend, and second cousin have all announced their engagements to you in the same week. Suddenly, patience is a hard virtue to call upon. You swallow that lump in your throat and force a happy smile as you watch them mount the podium and receive their medal as the music plays. You know the last thing you want to do is exercise good sportsmanship and be happy for them in their success but you will do it, because your coach is counting on you to set the example. 

With the passing of time, anyone who repeatedly endures this particular Olympic event with no victory forthcoming deserves a gold medal!

You make it look so easy.

Pornography kills.
Porn hurts everyone. We all know the names: Susan Powell, Trolley Square, Columbine and we can now add Aurora, Colorado. Men, young and old, are going crazy and no one can really say why.
I can.
In light of recent current events I feel the need to comment. My half baked idea/opinion may not count for much, my claim to connect the evils of pornography with the motives of mass shooters like James Holmes, Sulejman Talovic, and al-Qaeda may seem pretty out there but I feel strongly that there is a connection. Does the name Jerry Sandusky ring any bells? And how about Chick-Fill-A's awesome statement condoning gay marriage? All of it can be traced back to pornograhy.
Single unmarried women know. If more young men put down the electronics and started focusing more on all the gorgeous women surrounding them, they wouldn't be attracted to it and would be more inclined to ask us out on dates. I read an article (which I will post link to if I ever find it) that really stuck with me about a study done where young men who turned off the TV, put down the video game controllers and electronic devices, after a certain length of time, reported being more attracted to the young women in their social circles, school and college classes.
If only Josh Powell turned off the computer.
If only James Holmes had applied his intellegence for good, instead of choosing the dark side. Maybe police won't ever reveal the pornographic images they will find on his computer because it won't seem relevant to the case. Same goes with Sulejman Tolovic. Do you know what they do to female victims of pornography in Iran and Iraq? They stone them to death.
July is the time to celebrate our independence. So while we shoot off fireworks and fire up the BBQ let's also take a leaf from Professor Moody's book from Harry Potter: Constant Vigilance!
We can raise awareness. We all know someone who is struggling with this evil addiction. We can teach our young boys to be like Joseph in the Old Testament and RUN AWAY when temptation grabs their jacket, even if it means being ridiculed by friends. The time is coming when we must all start choosing sides.
Even if it means losing customers who walk out of your fast food restaurant in offense.