Quote of the Week

"I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you."
President Ezra T. Benson, To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church, 1988.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The End of the World

The End of the World? Bring It On!

The Apocalypse Will Occur in the Year 2033

By Michelle Llewellyn

I’m not proclaiming myself to be a prophetess. One of the first qualifications is marriage anyway! (Deborah from Judges 4:4 and Anna in Luke 2:36 were both married women.) But my patriarchal blessing does say I was blessed with the gift of vision and the ability to see into the future (Acts 2:17 sons and daughters shall prophesy). I don’t expect fame or fortune to come my way. I don’t follow, nor am I attempting to create an apocalyptic ideology. I just thought I’d throw some of my own ideas and opinions out there concerning THE END OF THE WORLD.

I’ve had plenty of time to study this issue because, let’s face it, boys aren't asking girls out on dates anymore, leaving me LOTS of free Friday and Saturday nights to better improve my mind by extensive reading because the love of men has indeed waxed cold (Joseph Smith Matthew 1:30) leaving single never married women like me to either fulfill the prophecy in Isaiah 4:7 Seven women shall take hold of one man..let us be called by thy name to take away our reproach which I have no desire to do, or wait until the millennium before I finally get that opportunity.

Like the biblical wise men from Matthew 2, who spent years studying the prophecies, watching and waiting anxiously for the big signs signaling the event, I too, have spent years following current events, studying the scriptures and reading many books about the second coming. I have since concluded that this major world event is not happening until AT LEAST April 2033.

How can I be so confident about this?

Because I can back up my theory with both mathematics and LDS scripture.

I’ve also based my list on the book 50 Signs of the Times by David Ridges (2003).

Item #1-The Lord follows a pattern with special events always occurring on important anniversaries.

In the Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 11, the Nephites record that the appearance of Christ took place around 33 years from the time the prophecies of His birth were confirmed by the many foretold signs, such as three days with no darkness. It makes sense that Jesus will come on the anniversary of his resurrection, 33 years after the anniversary of His birth in the meridian of time, 1A.D. For us, living 2,000 years from that period of time, that’s April 6, 2033. Please refer to D&C 20:1 for more information concerning why April 6 is such an important and significant date for Mormons.

Now, I’m not saying grab your food storage, children and family dog and run for the nearest bunker on this date. I’m just expressing as my own personal opinion that by THIS DATE, April 6, 2033, some pretty hefty events should’ve occurred by now, fulfilling some of those famous biblical prophesies and signs of the times signifying that the end is nigh.

So, just when you were about to join the majority proclaiming, “The Lord delayeth His coming!” here are just a few sub-items to be checked off by or before the year 2033:

  1. Jerusalem is going to be nuked and the Mormon church will be a major help in rebuilding because we’re supposed to have a dedicated, fully functioning LDS temple there before the second coming. The prophet Joseph Smith predicted that “Judah must return, Jerusalem must be rebuilt, and the temple, and water come out from under the temple … and all this must be done before the Son of Man will make His appearance.” (History of the Church, vol. 5, p. 337.)
  2. According to Revelation 11: A prophet and one of the members of the quorum of the twelve apostles will lie dead in the streets of Jerusalem. These two men will be known to the rest of the world as one of the leaders of the Mormon church, probably one of President Monson’s successors, (because I don’t think he’ll live that long and as a member of Gen X I’d been counting on the late Gordon B. Hinckley to be that prophet but oh well) or two members of the current first presidency, will spend exactly three years (hopefully starting in the year 2030) presiding over the most exciting mission in the world, the Israel Jerusalem Mission, where YOUR children and grandchildren (my nephews, since I’ll probably never be a wife or mother to the iGeneration who will help usher in the second coming, just an eternal Aunt in Zion) will be serving if they don’t get called to the Shanghai Mission in Red China first. This must happen either before or during the year 2030 because after three and a half years the wars and persecution in this region will become so intense that these two beloved leaders will be killed and their bodies lie in the streets somewhere in Jerusalem for three days until the Savior makes his appearance.
  3. Due to increasing wickedness, the current leaders of the LDS church will announce the moving of the headquarters of the church to Independence, Missouri. Leaders of all faiths agree that definitions of good and evil, of sexuality, marriage, home and family are threatening the freedoms of all. Such wickedness that will prompt this action will include: legalized recreational drug use, patriarchy (the GOOD kind where men take loving responsibility for the protection and well-being of the women and children in their lives) being replaced by a growing acceptance of misogyny, and religious persecution from the LGBT and other civil rights groups mainly in Salt Lake City, Utah, over the Mormon Church’s refusal to recognize certain civil marriages and subsequently denying these groups the right to enter the faith’s holy temples. A general conference bomb threat or mass shooting somewhere around temple square sometime before the year 2030 could also be a strong factor. The Prophet Joseph Smith himself prophesied that there would be at least 15,000-20,000 members of the church participating in this mass exodus relocation. The population of Salt Lake City, Utah currently stands at just over one million, so rest easy members of the church in the Salt Lake Valley, there won’t be a mad rush for U-Hauls because not every member of the church is going to be asked to participate in the BIG MOVE. Just the traditional, married, nuclear families unless a higher order of marriage (polygamy) is reestablished to include the thousands of single, faithful women who don’t currently have the priesthood in their homes. That might stir up some contention too!
  4. A closed circuit streaming sacrament meeting will be held at your local stake center broadcasting a great gathering in Independence, Missouri. There will probably be an app for it, too! For Mormons, this is a huge event. Adam and all the great Patriarchs of the Old Testament to the apostle Peter of the New, right up to the current last days prophet are all expected to be there. Even THE SAVIOR HIMSELF will be in attendance!!! He won’t speak or perform any great miracles but He will be presiding as all the past leaders make their reports. Sometime before the year 2030 but just after the BIG MOVE to Missouri, all worthy members of the church all around the world will have the opportunity to see and hear this great gathering at Adam-Ondi-Ahman,70 miles northeast of Independence, Missouri. Please check with your local stake president or bishop for tickets/passes by admission for current temple recommend holders only. All Mormons, in good standing, over the age of eight will be tweeting and instant messaging and streaming their own video testimonies of this extraordinary event on their own handheld electronic devices for weeks afterwards for all non-members worldwide as one of the greatest opportunities to do missionary work.
  5. By the year 2030, everyone: rich, poor, young, old will have access to some kind of electronic hand-held device that streams live events 24/7 over the Internet. We are already seeing this today in 2015 as Internet has pretty much replaced broadcast television. I have no hard references to back me up on this one but I think it is a safe bet to say that when the second coming occurs over in Jerusalem, EVERYONE with a hand held electronic device is going to be recording and simultaneously streaming these images over the Internet of a great, blinding white, brilliant light, descending on the Mount of Olives outside Jerusalem while the rest of the world watches in utter astonishment, probably thinking another nuclear bomb has been dropped (or the Martians have finally landed) in the area thanks to all the confusion and chaos. Someone better set up a web cam on the roof of the Seven Arches Hotel in East Jerusalem, just in case!

Item #2- Do the Math. To pick up where I left off with Item #1 and God’s pattern of important events occurring on significant dates; please refer to D&C 110. This is the account of Elijah's appearance in the Kirtland temple, April 1836, which just happened to be the 1800th anniversary of the crucifixion and resurrection of the Savior as well as the Jewish Passover. It makes sense that God is giving us almost 200 years from the fulfilment of this very important prophecy to get our acts together in preparation for that second coming. I’m telling you, if the second coming hasn’t occurred by April 2036, I promise everyone a full refund!

Item #3 Do the Math. We can also use the story of the apocalyptic destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah to predict when the second coming will occur. I found this online article by Rabbi Leibel Reznick who said:

According to the Talmud there was a span of only 26 years (emphasis added) between a war and ultimate destruction. Sodom and Gomorrah were part of a metropolis assumed to have been located on the eastern bank of the Dead Sea consisting of five cities, each with its own king…According to the Torah, with the help of the patriarch Abraham, the cities gained their independence, though their independence was only short-lived. A few years later, God destroyed the cities in a hail of fire and brimstone.

Let's compare this history to a more recent history of gay marriage in the USA. In 2004 Massachusetts became the first state to legalize same-sex marriage. LGBT groups and their supporters everywhere celebrate their "independence" but if the Proclamation to the Family's last lines (“…we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”) means anything at all, this LGBT celebration will likewise be "short-lived.” Perhaps 26 years?

Guess what 2004 plus 26 years equals...2030!

Need I say more?

In closing, there is only one downside to my end of the world theory: I cannot see any place, anywhere, and have yet to find any prophecy or scripture that might be helpful explaining where single, never married women (both Mormon and non-Mormon) who desire marriage and children will fit in. Single and divorced Moms can still play a part in last days events by raising strong daughters and righteous sons to serve missions, be great leaders and stand for witnesses of Christ but a woman without a man, who has never born children, will always be an ignored, second class citizen. I don’t care what era you live in, if a woman has no strong family network of support to sustain her, she’s screwed. Nobody cares about her. This is why I’m not a big supporter of the last-days feminist and sexual revolution movements. I see the attack on traditional marriage and the love of men waxing cold to be one of the biggest signs of the times.

Let’s hope we all have enough food storage.

By the year 2033, I will be 59 years old in my post-menopausal years. I don’t know about you but if I’m still a virgin, one of the many victims of a now-extinct patriarchy, sleeping in my single bed with my two years supply safely stowed beneath me, working a minimum wage, low skilled job with my two bachelor’s degrees with my season of dating and courtship that might’ve lead to marriage pretty much over with no chance in hell of bearing any children as a wife and mother, I really, REALLY hope I’m dead and buried by then.

Death by terrorist bullet or weapon of mass destruction notwithstanding.

I already come from a broken, divorced family background. I can already testify that Satan is winning his war against the very creation of families. I know plenty of single, never married women who will agree with me. Single women will increasingly find themselves marginalized to the sidelines as silent observers. If we desire to participate, our only options consist of either volunteering to be surrogate mothers to the gay men creating their own families, or settling for self-destructing cohabitation. Its the lesser of two evils. Living alone and celibate is no fun but what other choice do we have? I'm sorry to paint such a depressing picture, but at least the rest of those prophetic natural disasters such as famine, drought, pandemic, pestilence, global warming or zombie apocalypse should be the LEAST of our last days worries! Let us stay strong and support each other in this very unpopular decision to keep ourselves morally pure while we wait for our worthy priesthood holder to appear.

So, while everyone on this wicked earth in the last days is blowing each other up, (when they’re not participating in porn or kidnapping everyone’s daughters for the sex trade) the sky is red, moon turned to blood, blended cohabitating families huddle together while their family trees burn and everything else is on fire, I’d much rather be alone and single in the more peaceful, restful (not to mention air conditioned) spirit world observing the action; waiting to join the legions of other ministering angels who will be following the red-robed Jesus (Revelation 19:13) down to the earth to usher in the second coming.

I can see myself now, munching spirit popcorn with my date, my husband-to-be in the millennium because I remain ever hopeful that those who were never kissed, asked to their high school prom and pretty much denied any experience in heterosexual romantic dating or courtship in this life because they refused to lower their standards will have ample opportunities in the next (see Alma 40:12). I look forward to joining my spiritual fiancé, watching the events taking place down on the earth in the year 2033 while we wait for a break in the apocalypse to begin our decent to meet our loved ones still slugging it out in the war against evil.

The End of the World? Bring it On!


  1. Your spiritual fiance will be Brigham Young.

  2. You have a spelling error in the last paragraph.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.